January 23, 2018
The Depressed Turtle
Life can be full of peaks and valleys, times where you’re feeling high as a kite and times where you’re as low as a depressed turtle. I know in my own life have had times where I feel like everything is going my way and other times, where I feel like it’s not even worth getting out of bed. I spend a lot of time chasing after adrenaline, which gives me those mountain top moments. I love it when I can have a full week spent doing nothing else but climbing, paddling, skiing, biking, or whatever. It keeps my mind occupied and my body tired. It doesn’t give me time to rest and reflect on points in my life where I’m feeling low.
The only problem with living this way is it left me in deep valleys when I was not pursuing an activity. I felt like my only worth was in my sports. When I was living in Norway I struggled with that a lot. I didn’t have enough room in my pack to carry along my snowboard, or my climbing gear or anything really. All I was able to pack was some hiking boots on my feet. It was really hard at times, I loved hiking, and I was living in one of the most beautiful places in the world, but I couldn’t help but feel a little bit depressed. A part of me that had been so important for the last couple years was gone. Adrenaline was like my drug and I was feeling major withdrawals.
It took a couple months before I started to feel less antsy and could start to actually enjoy myself fully. We had classes every week and I remember one week we had a talk on identity. It was a really painful talk for me actually. We had a time where we all got into groups and had to talk about our identity, but we couldn’t talk about our hobbies or activities. We could only speak about our personalities by using emotions and characteristics. I remember trying to piece myself together and realize that I was quite emotionally stunted. I was in such a low point, when it really should have been such a highlight in my life. With all the accomplishment climbing I had done in my life, I had failed to spend time on things that really mattered like emotional health and relationships. For me climbing these peaks became such a focus that I was blind to what really mattered in my life.
It was during this same lecture week where we talked about what should define you if not your hobbies or professions. We realized that everything we define ourselves with on earth is trivial and temporary. If nothing we have on earth follows us after we die, then why does it matter to us? Wealth, careers, houses, skills, none of these matter once we are in the Kingdom of Heaven. So, why do we let these things define us now? We should let God define us and show us what we are worth. A simple way of doing that is by praying and reading the bible where there is lots of proof of our worth in Jesus Christ.